Life's a funny thing.

Well, just to clear the air right away…we're not pregnant!  And don't be on the look out for that news anytime soon! :) Our big and exciting news is that JD has officially taken a position with a start up here in San Francisco and has left Goldman after almost 3 years.  This is going to be a pretty big change for our family and we're super excited about all of the opportunities ahead!  San Francisco is kind of the king of start ups and we're looking forward to being able to be a part of it.  

This news is really big in our home because it also means that we will be here in San Francisco for at least another 4 years!  I have to say that this is definitely not the life that I imagined as an 18 year old, getting ready to go to college.  I grew up in Ohio and if you would've asked me 10 years ago what I thought my life would be like, I probably would've assumed I'd be married, living in a nice home in a suburb similar to the one I grew up in, with a kid or two - a simple, normal life.  There is no way I would've believed you if you would've told me I'd be living in the heart of San Francisco, with TWINS, in a one bedroom apartment…on the fourth floor in a building with no elevator!  I would've laughed if you would've told me I'd be living right next door to the Apple Store, a movie theatre, and Starbucks.  And I would've laughed even harder if you would've told me that I'd be hauling my laundry 4 blocks to wash it.  More than anything, I would've stared you right in the eye and called you a liar when you told me that I wouldn't just enjoy it.  I'd love it.  

Life never seems to go as planned in our house, but it always seems to work out for the best.  It will be a strange thing to have to actually research schools to choose where we'll be sending our kids, as opposed to just be assigned based on boundaries.  I imagine we'll have another kid sometime during the course of those 4 years, so it will be interesting to see what we decide to do as far as living arrangements are concerned - although at this present moment I still feel like someone is going to need to drag me out the door, because as much as I'd love more space, our neighborhood/street is just THE BEST.  

I have fallen in love with a city - and even the life that comes along with it.   There are times I feel bad that the girls don't have a big backyard like I did.  Then I remember that we live a few blocks away from the park, the baseball diamond, tennis courts, and a ginormous field of grass they can run around in, and if we go a few more blocks, we're at the beach!  Even though their "toddlerhood" is going to look MUCH different than mine did, I've realized that's no reason to feel guilty.   Maybe I'm alone in this, but I often worry about making sure I'm providing my kids with a life that is fun, educational, and will help them grow.  I know they won't remember these things, but I still want them to enjoy the day to day business.  They may miss out on a lot of those things that I grew up with, but they also have access to a lot of things that I never did.  I've just recently begun to realize that just because something is different than I envisioned, doesn't make it wrong - and it's certainly not something I should feel bad about.  

So, it's a weird thing to think that these girls will be nearly 6 years old by the time we even contemplate moving…but it's also a little bit thrilling!  Adventuring with my kids is something I will never grow tired of…and San Francisco has a plethora of places to do just that!  

{Legion of Honor}

{Castello Di Amorosa} 

{Aquatica Park}

{Conservatory of Flowers}

{California Academy of Sciences}

{Queen Wilhelmina Tulip Garden}

 {Shakespeare Garden}

 {San Francisco Zoo}

{Peekadoodle Kids Club - Art Class}

When motherhood feels heavy.

I've been thinking about motherhood and the funny little thing that it is, lately.  How is something so difficult, so wearing, so taxing on literally every. single. part. of you - body, mind, spirit - also so beautiful, so sacred, and so noble a calling?  How do those two entirely different mentalities describe the same role?    

Motherhood, man.  It's full of the highest of highs and the lowest of lows and you might even experience both of those extremes within seconds of each other.  It's a difficult thing to wrap your mind around.  Some days, it feels heavy.  Some days that little yelping "alarm clock" goes off and you think, "Not yet, dang it!  Pleeeeease.  I just need  5 10 more minutes."  But you get up anyway because sometimes being a mom means doing things, even when you're not ready.  Some nights, you're ready to hop into bed and that sweet little person of yours decides that teething is such a bore to do alone.  So, through sleep-deprived, glossed over eyeballs, you swoop in to give love and comfort because sometimes being a mom means sacrificing what you want, for what someone else needs.  Some days, your babe lets you know that it is a no good, very bad day for them and there is no toy, no hug, no kiss, and no snack that will change that.  So, even though you want to pull your hair out of your head and hide in the bathroom {and sometimes you do for a second or two}, you take a deep breath, say a silent prayer, and just keep loving that little crazy until she finally gives you that grin that's enough to make you forget about the 5 blow outs from earlier that day, the food all over the floor, the toys scattered around the house, and the fact that you look like a complete wreck.  

Because even though motherhood can feel heavy, it can also feel light - so stinking light you feel like even though you know it's not scientifically possible, there's a good chance you might actually be floating.  The most difficult moments of motherhood can bring you to tears; but the beauty of that truth lies in the fact that the most beautiful moments of motherhood can do the same.  There are moments in my short, measly 15 months of motherhood that I have been a witness to that are almost so sacred to me that they're difficult to describe & a lot of times, I don't even dare try.  

The thing is, it's the hardest and heaviest moments of being a mom that make me appreciate those supernal, God-given experiences that may not come as often as I'd like, but come all the same.  As hard as  the role of "mother" can be, I wouldn't trade it for any amount of money or title in the world.  I may screw up a lot.  I may lose my patience and I may lie down at night with some regrets here and there, but I always remind myself that God trusts me - specifically with these two little girls.  I like to think that the four of us picked each other {and hopefully there's a few more monkeys up there waiting to come down and join us!}.  I continue to be amazed at how perfectly these two fit into our family.  I'd imagine that before we came to earth, we understood that there would be rough patches and that not everything would always be ideal, but I think I also understood that they would bring us more joy than we could ever imagine.  I had to have known that motherhood wouldn't be a walk in the park.  But I think I had the faith that when it felt hard, God would send small but divine moments that would buoy me up, over and over again. 

So, when motherhood feels heavy and I think that it's quite possible that if I hear one more baby throw a tantrum over me walking out of the room to use the freaking restroom{!!} I might lose it, I remind myself that motherhood also is beautiful.  So, so beautiful.  Not every day will be filled with dirty diapers and cleaning up spills.  These two won't beg to sit on my lap forever.  They won't look to me for approval in nearly everything they do forever.  And although I wish this wasn't the case, they probably won't always want to be with me during every waking hour.  This time is short.  So, I'll do things even when I'm not ready.  I'll sacrifice what I want, for what they need.  I'll take a deep breath, say a silent prayer, and keep loving my little crazies.  I'll do all that and more, because being a mom and saying they're mine and I'm theirs is something that outweighs any kind of temporary physical or emotional wear that I might feel.  Discouragement, difficulty, and tiredness is temporary.  But motherhood?  Motherhood is eternal.

My headband, jewelry, crown loving girls!

These two have been cracking me up lately with their love of headbands, flower crowns, sunglasses, and jewelry.  We went through a phase for about 2 weeks where Stella would try to yank off her headband right after I put it on.  If I could distract her for a minute or so after I put it on, she wouldn't touch it again but I won't lie, I was starting to get worried.  I have been putting headbands on them since the hospital in hopes that I could sort of "train" them to let me put accessories on them.  Who knows if it really worked or if they just naturally don't mind, but I think this stage is so funny.  They light up when they see me wearing a watch, bracelets, or necklaces and the look on their face when I put an accessory on them is hysterical.  I have one bracelet in particular {pictured above} that when Stella wears, she has to walk around with her wrist in the air because it's so heavy!  She refuses to take it off though, so we just roll with it and I laugh my face off at how much of a diva she looks like!

For their birthday, we made them flower crowns out of baby's breath and by the end of the day, they were bringing them up to me and their grandma's and putting their heads down so that we could put it on them!  We were laughing so hard.  We let them wear it to church the next day and they left them on the entire three hours and then some!

I thought we'd make them some flower crowns for their Halloween costumes.  I don't know what in the heck I was thinking.  It was SO hard to use actual flowers that big!  The crowns ended up being ginormous, ugly, and super heavy!  I really didn't think there was any way they'd keep them on.  I put it on Stella to see what she'd do, and she just chilled in it.  She wore it around the house before we put on costumes, during photos, AND after trick or treating!  The only reason why she didn't wear it from house to house was because Navy REFUSED to wear hers and I didn't want to have one wearing it and one not {people are so weird about stuff like that and love to make comments like, "ohh you must like her better, huh!" so when it comes to things like this, I try to keep it the same}.

This has been such a sweet little phase and it definitely needed to be documented.  It makes me curious to see if this will be something that continues on into toddlerhood.